Monday, November 11, 2013

where to start?

       Sorry Its been awhile. So in the past few weeks we've been talking about marriage. Not just surface stuff but the process and such of it. Such as factors of a good marriage, what attracts us to the opposite sex, and how planning the wedding can ultimately affect a couple's relationship. All these were covered really well in class but the point I want to go into depth on is depending on how you plan your wedding how it affects the marriage. There's a lot of planning and and decision making going into planning a wedding. Those decisions and opportunities to work together help strengthen the couples relationship and help them work out a method of problem solving for the future. Now if the bride and her mother plan the wedding a barrier starts to form between the couple. As the husband starts pulling away from the wife because he is feeling rejected, she starts leaning more on her mother. This in time puts a hug stress on the family and is higher to end in divorce. Then there's those who cohabit before marriage. When a couple cohabits, when and if they get married its more of a change that nothing in their relationship will change. But if they start at square one with dating, courtship, and engagement; Marriage will be more together because of those challenges you faced when preparing for the wedding together. Planning for such a big thing will draw them closer together because they are trying to work towards the same goal.
         Then there's the why. Why do we making the decision to get married? A few things that were thrown out there were things like religious belief, wanting a family, want to be happier, etc. Then after you are married what are some of the early marital struggles? I mean now that your sharing your life with someone, your life is gonna change. You now have to coordinate with your spouse, accommodate living space, and make a few sacrifices. Last important key point about marriage is that its important that you go to bed at the same time. By not going to bed at the same time, saying your prayers together at night and even in the morning could be lost, this could also cause tension, the physical connection that you have with your spouse is lost, and lastly it opens the door for secrecy.
       Then when you start having kids, everything changes. One of the biggest worries about having kids is the change in focus. It kinda goes back to when I was talking about planning a wedding, if the couple doesn't do it together then there causes stress and tension in the relationship. If the wife's support system is her mother through this process, again the marriage is more likely to fail. If the couple goes through this process of sharing experiences, like when the baby kicks in the wife's stomach. Going through the informational process together, such as Dr. appointments and birthing classes. The couple will develop a support system towards each other and kind of a form of a protection towards each other and the baby. Then after the baby is born there's all the stress of the sudden changes. The lack of sleep, silence, and quality time with spouse. Again like the wedding, she gets preoccupied with the baby so the husband backs off and while he's off feeling unwanted, she's with the baby feeling like he doesn't care. Because this could lead to decrease of marital satisfaction, it's best to plan early and anticipate the additional workload. Discuss the specific changes is will make for each of you in terms of time, energy, privacy, etc. Plan specific means of helping one another through it. Also a key thing is being attentive and aware of your spouses challenges.

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