Monday, November 11, 2013

Let's talk Intimacy

     Last week we talked about marital (physical) intimacy. Now as much as this sounds like it would be awkward to talk about in a college classroom, our teacher did a great job of explaining it. One of the phrases he used that I really liked was "One flesh, One heart". This has in flesh meaning physical closeness, and heart meaning emotional closeness. The other really interesting that we talked about was Gottman's "Magic 5 hours". Basically in a weeks time to show you spouse at least 5 hrs of some form of love. He breaks it down into 5 categories. The first is Parting thoughtfully, spend 2 minutes five days a week of having a meaningful goodbye when your spouse is off to work or leaving the house. Then there is Reunions, spending 20 minutes five days a week to just chat and listen when your spouse returns from work or being out all day. Next is Admiration and Appreciation, spending 5 minutes a day seven days a week commenting of appreciation or praise toward spouse. Then there's Affection, spending 5 minutes a day seven days a week kidding. Lastly is Weekly date, spending 2 hours out of the week to go on a date with your spouse. These 5 hrs not only bring you closer emotionally but also physically.
     Then there's talking to your kids about physical intimacy or commonly known as sex. Most parents these days don't know how to approach their kids on this topic so instead of trying they just don't. Or in the religious cases they teach that sex is bad ending in a result of when they get married their scared because they were taught  that is bad and not that it was okay within the right covenants or marriage. How we can help is by preparing ourselves and by talking with your spouse of how you want to approach it, But the key thing is Not talking about it is Not the answer. A few ways parents can be prepare is practice with each other so that its not as strange to talk about, answer their questions so that you know their getting the right information you want them to get, and invite them to share their thoughts and understandings. This building of communication not only strengthens your relationship with them but also gives them a better understanding on certain subjects that you know their not getting from somewhere else.  

2 comments:

  1. I'm so glad you enjoyed the discussions. Throughout the discussions what new insights did you glean concerning how best to teach children of the importance of true intimacy? You discussed the importance of communication in terms of intimacy. How can intimacy be strengthened through positive communication? Elder Holland has beautifully discussed this topic, "such a total union, such an unyielding commitment between a man and a woman, can only come with the proximity and permanence afforded in a marriage covenant, with solemn promises and the pledge of all they possess—their very hearts and minds, all their days and all their dreams." How does this quote emphasize truths learned in class discussions and readings?

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  2. As a class we discussed what was the best way to approach our kids about this subject. Someone mentioned that it all starts when their little, if you start then you can answer their questions as they came instead of having to correct what their told other places such as at school, on the school bus, or their friends. By helping them understand what it is and when it is appropriate for it to take place it wil hopefully help them understand that even though its not ok now, it is ok after marriage and that its not completely a bad thing. This quote is the foundation we should teach our kids an expound on as they get older. I really like how in the quote it specifically says, "...an unyielding commitment between a man and a woman ...".

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